First Day At School Jokes

First Day At School Jokes

Good jokes for kids

Billy was excited about his first day at school. 

So excited in fact, that only a few minutes after class started, he realized that he desperately needed to go to the bathroom. 

So Billy raised his hand politely to ask if he could be excused. 

Of course the teacher said yes, but asked Billy to be quick. 

Five minutes later Billy returned, looking more desperate and embarrassed. 

"I can't find it", he admitted. The teacher sat Billy down and drew him a little diagram to where he should go and asked him if he will be able to find it now. Billy looked at the diagram, said "yes" and goes on his way.

Well five minutes later he returned to the class room and says to the teacher "I can't find it". 

Frustrated, the teacher asked Tommy, a boy who has been at the school for a while, to help him find the bathroom. 

So Tommy and Billy go together and five minutes later they both return and sit down at their seats. 

The teacher asks Tommy 

"Well, did you find it?" 

Tommy is quick with his reply: "Oh sure, he just had his boxer shorts on backwards" 

Clean Jokes To Tell Your Kids Ever

Clean Jokes To Tell Your Kids Ever

Really funny jokes for kids

Q: What did the nose say to the finger? 

A: Stop picking on me. 

Q: What did the tie say to the hat? 

A: You go on ahead and I'll hang around! 

Q: Where does bad light go? 

A: PRISM! 

Q: What did one plate say to the other? 

A: Dinners on me 

Q: Who cleans the bottom of the ocean? 

A: A Mer-Maid 

Q: Where do pencils go on vacation? 

A: Pennsylvania 

Q: What is heavy forward but not backward? 

A: Ton. 

Q: What do you get when you plant kisses? 

A: Tu-lips (two-lips) 

Q: What pet makes the loudest noise? 

A: A trum-pet! 

Q: What do you call a rabbit with fleas? 

A: Bugs Bunny!

 Q: Why did the girl bring lipstick and eye shadow to school? 

A: She had a make-up exam! 

Q: What is a bubbles least favorite drink? 

A: Soda POP 

Q: What did one eyeball say to the other eyeball? 

A: Between you and me something smells. 

Q: What stays on the ground but never gets dirty? 

A: Shadow. 

Farmer Jokes For Kids Of The Day

Farmer Jokes For Kids Of The Day

Clean jokes for kids

Why shouldn't you tell a secret on a farm? 

Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears! 

Why did the scarecrow win the Nobel Prize? 

Because he was out standing in his field! 

What do you get when you cross a robot and a tractor? 

A transfarmer. 

What day do potatoes hate the most? 

Fry-day! 

What farm animal keeps the best time? 

A watch dog! 

Did you hear about the magic tractor? 

It turned into a field! 

What do farmers use to make crop circles? 

A Protractor 

What is a scarecrow's favorite fruit?

 Straw-berries! If a cow laughed really hard.... would milk come out of her nose? 

Why did the cow jump over the moon? 

The farmer had cold hands. 

What's the best part of farming? 

Getting down and dirty with my hoes 

What kind of pigs know karate?

 Pork chops! 

What do you call a Nebraskan farmer with a sheep under each arm? 

A pimp. 

What new crop did the farmer plant? 

Beets me! 

What grows under your nose? 

Tulips! 

Where do farmers send their kids to grow? 

Kinder-garden. 

Who tells chicken jokes? 

Comedihens! 

What kind of things does a farmer talk about when he is milking cows? 

Udder nonsense! 

Why can't the bankrupt cowboy complain? 

He has got no beef.

Why do cows like being told jokes? 

Because they like being amoosed! 

What do you call a horse that lives next door? 

A neigh-bor! 

What is a sheep's favorite game? 

Baa-dminton! 

Why did the cabbage win the race? 

Because it was ahead! 

Why did the police arrest the turkey? 

They suspected it of fowl play! 

What do you get when a chicken lays an egg on top of a barn? 

An eggroll!

Why were the baby strawberries crying? 

Their ma and pa were in a jam 

What type of horses only go out at night? 

Nightmares!

See more: Dirty adult jokes

A LESSON IN GOVERNMENT

A teacher was teaching her second grade class about the government, so for homework that one day, she told her her students to ask their parents what the government is.

When Little Johnny got home that day, he went up to his dad and ask his what the government was.
His dad thought for a while and answered, ''Look at it this way: I'm the president, your mom is Congress, your maid is the work force, you are the people and your baby brother is the future.''

''I still don't get it'' responded the Little Johnny.
''Why don't you sleep on it then? Maybe you'll understand it better,'' said the dad.
''Okay then...good night'' said Little Jonny went off to bed. In the middle of the night, Little Johnny was awakened by his baby brother's crying. He went to his baby brother's crib and found that his baby brother had taken a crap in his diaper. So Little Johnny went to his parent's room to get help. When he got to his parent's bedroom, he looked through the keyhole to check if his parents were asleep. Through the keyhole he saw his mom loudly snoring, but his dad wasn't there. So he went to the maid's room. When he looked through the maid's room keyhole, he saw his dad having sex with his maid. Little Johnny was surprised, but then he just realized something and thinks aloud, ''OH!! Now I understand the government! The President is screwing the work force, Congress is fast asleep, nobody cares about the people, and the future is full of s**t!''

Really Funny Knock Knock Jokes For Kids

Knock Knock Jokes For Kids

Knock, knock. 

Who’s there? 

Canoe! 

Canoe who? 

Canoe come out and play with me today?

Knock, knock. 

Who’s there? 

Who! 

Who who? 

That’s what an owl says!

Knock, knock. 

Who’s there? 

Lettuce. 

Lettuce who? 

Lettuce in, it’s cold out here.

Knock, knock. 

Who’s there? 

Honey bee. 

Honey bee who? 

Honey bee a dear and get me some juice.

Knock, knock. 

Who’s there? 

Wooden shoe. 

Wooden shoe who? 

Wooden shoe like to hear another joke?

Knock, knock. 

Who’s there? 

A broken pencil. 

A broken pencil who. 

Oh never mind it’s pointless.

Knock, knock. 

Who’s there? 

Cow says. 

Cow says who? 

No silly, a cow says Mooooo!

Knock, knock. 

Who’s there? 

Double. 

Double who? 

W!

Knock, knock. 

Who’s there? 

Mikey! 

Mikey who? 

Mikey doesn’t fit in the keyhole!

Knock, knock. 

Who’s there? 

Atch. 

Atch who? 

Bless you!

Knock, knock. 

Who’s there? 

I am. 

I am who? 

You don’t know who you are?

Knock, knock. 

Who’s there? 

Ya. Ya Who? 

Wow, I’m excited to see you too.

Knock, knock. 

Who’s there? 

Figs. 

Figs who? 

Figs the doorbell, it’s broken!

Knock, knock. 

Who’s there?

Boo! 

Boo who? 

Don’t cry, it’s just me.

Knock, knock. 

Who’s there? 

Interrupting pirate! 

Interrup… ARRRRRRRRRR!

Knock, knock. 

Who’s there? 

Iva. 

Iva who? 

I’ve a sore hand from knocking!

Knock, knock. 

Who’s there? 

Avenue. 

Avenue who? 

Avenue knocked on this door before?

Knock, knock. 

Who’s there? 

A little old lady. 

A little old lady who? 

I didn’t know you could yodel.

Will you remember me in 2 minutes? 

Yes. 

Knock, knock. 

Who’s there? 

Hey, you didn’t remember me!

Knock, knock. 

Who’s there? 

Banana. 

Banana who? 

Knock, knock. 

Who’s there? 

Banana. 

Banana who? 

Knock, knock. 

Who’s there? 

Banana. 

Banana who? 

Knock, knock. 

Who’s there? 

Orange. Orange who? 

Orange you glad I didn’t say banana?

Hilarious Jokes For Kids Of All The Time

Hilarious Jokes For Kids

Q: How do all the oceans say hello to each other?

They wave!

Q: What did one wall say to the other wall?

I’ll meet you at the corner!

Q: What do you call a bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear!

Q: What do you call cheese that isn’t yours?

Nacho cheese!

Q: How do you know if there’s an elephant under your bed?

Your head hits the ceiling!

Q: Why are elephants so wrinkled?

Because they take too long to iron!

Q: How do you keep an elephant from charging?

Take away her credit card!

Q:  Why did the elephant paint himself different colors?

So he could hide in the crayon box!

Q:  How can you tell if an elephant has been in your refrigerator?

By the footprints in the butter!

Q: What is the difference between elephants and grapes?

Grapes are purple.

Q:  What did Tarzan say when he saw the elephants coming?

“Here come the elephants!”

Q:  What did Jane say when she saw the elephants coming?

“Here come the grapes!” (She was colorblind.)

Q:  What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef!

Q: What do you call a cow with two legs?

Lean meat!

Q:  What do you call a pig that knows karate?

A pork chop!

Q: Why are ghosts bad liars?

Because you can see right through them!

Q: What animal needs to wear a wig?

A bald eagle!

Q: Why do bees have sticky hair?

Because they use honey combs!

Q: What do you call an alligator in a vest?

An investigator!

Q:  Why can’t you give Elsa a balloon?

Because she will let it go!

Q: What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite!

Q:  What has four wheels and flies?

A garbage truck!

Q:  Why did the man run around his bed?

Because he was trying to catch up on his sleep!

Q:  Why did the math book look so sad?

Because it had so many problems!

Q:  Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building?

Of course!  The Empire State Building can’t jump!

Q:  If April showers bring Mayflowers, what do Mayflowers bring?

Pilgrims!

Funny Bird Jokes For Kids--Kids Jokes Of The Day

Funny Bird Jokes For Kids

Q: When should you buy a bird?
A: When it’s going cheep!
———-
Did you hear the one about the crow and the telephone pole?
He wanted to make a long distance caw.
———-
Q: What is green and pecks on trees?
A: Woody the Wood Pickle.
———-
Q: There was a rooster sitting on a top of a barn. If it laid an egg, which way would it roll?
A: Roosters don’t lay eggs!
———-
Q: Why did the bird get a ticket?
A: It broke the law of gravity!
———-
Q: What do you call a chicken in the 1960’s?
A: A funky chicken.
———-
Q: Why do seagulls fly over the sea?
A: Because if they flew over the bay, they’d be baygulls!
———-
Q: How do you catch a unique bird?
A: Unique up on it.
Q: How do you catch a tame bird?
A: The tame way, unique up on it!
———-
Q: How does a bird with a broken wing manage to land safely?
A: With its sparrowchute.
———-
Q: Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?
A: Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
———-
Q: What do you give a sick bird?
A: Tweetment.
———-
Q: Why does a stork stand on one leg?
A: Because it would fall over if it lifted the other one.
———-
Q: How did the bubble gum cross the road?
A: On the bottom of the chicken’s foot!
———-
Q: Why did the chicken cross the playground?
A: To get to the other slide!
———-
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road, roll in mud, then cross the road again?
A: He was a dirty double crosser!
———-
Q: Why do hummingbirds hum?
A: Because they don’t know the words.
———-
Q: Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?
A: He got caught peeping on a test.
———-
Q: Why did the chicken cross the clothing store?
A: To get to the other size!
———-
Q: Why do ducks fly south?
A: Because it’s too far to walk!
———-
Q: Why did the rooster cross the road?
A: To prove he wasn’t a chicken!