SHUT-UP AND TROUBLE

In a small town in California there lived two boys, Shut-up and Trouble. These boys were friends, but every once-in-awhile they would get into a fight. One time after they had both just gotten ice-cream, Trouble's ice-cream fell. Trouble then stole Shut-up's ice-cream and ran away. Shut-up ran after Trouble but eventually lost him, sat on a curb, and started to cry.

A police officer pulled up and asked, “What's your name?”

“Shut-up.”

The officer got angry and asked the same question again and got the same reply. Finally, he asked the same question and got the same reply and then said, “Boy, are you looking for Trouble?”

And Shut-up said, “Yeah, that fool stole my ice-cream!”

Basketball Jokes

Basketball Jokes

Q: Why did the chicken cross the basketball court? 

A: Because it heard the referee was blowing fouls. 

Q: Why are basketball players messy eaters? 

A: They're always dribbling. 

Q: What did the march say to all the madness? 

A: What's all that bracket 

Q: What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball? 

A: Juan on Juan. 

Q: Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team? 

A: She ran away from the ball. 

Q: Why did Ron Artest leave the game early? 

A: He wanted to beat the crowd. 

Q: How do you know when it's Lebron James' Birthday? 

A: Everyone gets to leave work 12 minutes early. 

Q: Why are frogs so good at basketball? 

A: Because they always make jump shots. 

Q: What did the triangle offense say to the ball? 

A: Your pointless. 

Q: What does a basketball player do when he loses his eyesight? 

A: Become a referee. 

Q: What do you call a fantasy show about basketball? 

A: Hooper-natural. 

Q: What do you call a piece of cheese that likes to shoot hoops? 

A: Swiss!!! 

Q: How do you know you've found Lebron James' cell phone? 

A: It vibrates and receives calls, but doesn't have a ring! 

Q: What's the difference between the Miami Heat and a dollar bill? 

A: You can still get four quarters out of a dollar bill. 

Q: What do you call 12 millionaires around a TV watching the NBA Finals? 

A: The Detroit Pistons. 

Q: Which are the best animals at basketball? 

A: A score-pion. 

See more: Funny jokes to tell 

Goat Jokes

Goat Jokes

What do you call an unemployed goat? 

Billy Idol. 

What do you call a goat at sea? 

Billy Ocean. 

What do you call a goat with one ear? 

Van goat. 

What do you call a spastic goat? 

Billy the kid. 

What do you call a goat on a mountain? 

Hillbilly. 

What do you call a goat that lip syncs? 

Billy-Vanilli. 

What do you call a goat playing the piano? 

Billy Joel. 

What do you call a Spanish goat with no back legs? 

Gracias. 

What do you call a redneck who owns 6 goats? 

A pimp. 

What do you call a goat hosting the Oscars? 

Billy Crystal. 

What do you call a goat with a beard? 

Goatee! 

What do you call the best 'butter' on the farm? 

A goat! 

What do you call a goat that was married to Angelina Jolie? 

Billy Bob Thorton. 

What do you call a goat that knows martial arts? 

Karate kid 

See more: Good jokes for kids

FIRST DAY AT SCHOOL Joke Funny

FIRST DAY AT SCHOOL Joke Funny

Billy was excited about his first day at school. 

So excited in fact, that only a few minutes after class started, he realized that he desperately needed to go to the bathroom. 

So Billy raised his hand politely to ask if he could be excused. 

Of course the teacher said yes, but asked Billy to be quick. 

Five minutes later Billy returned, looking more desperate and embarrassed. 

"I can't find it", he admitted. 

The teacher sat Billy down and drew him a little diagram to where he should go and asked him if he will be able to find it now. 

Billy looked at the diagram, said "yes" and goes on his way. 

Well five minutes later he returned to the class room and says to the teacher "I can't find it". 

Frustrated, the teacher asked Tommy, a boy who has been at the school for a while, to help him find the bathroom. 

So Tommy and Billy go together and five minutes later they both return and sit down at their seats. 

The teacher asks Tommy "Well, did you find it?" 

Tommy is quick with his reply: "Oh sure, he just had his boxer shorts on backwards" 

See more: Jokes for kids to tell

Little Guy Joke Funny

Little Guy Joke Funny

There was this little guy sitting in a bar, drinking, minding his own business when all of a sudden this great big dude comes in and 

--WHACK!!-- knocks him clean off the bar stool and onto the floor. 

The idiot says, "That was a karate chop from Korea." 

The little guy thinks "JEEZ," but he gets back up on the stool and starts drinking again when all of a sudden 

--WHACK-- the big dude knocks him down AGAIN and says, "That was a judo chop from Japan."

 So the little guy has had enough of this... 

He gets up, brushes himself off and quietly leaves. The little guy is gone for an hour or so. 

He comes in the door and without saying a word, he walks up behind the big idiot and 

--Bong!!!-- bangs the big dude off his stool, knocking him out cold!!! 

The little guy looks at the bartender and says, "When he comes to, tell him that was a crowbar from Sears." 

See more: Jokes for kids

Hilarious Jokes And Riddles for Kids

Hilarious Jokes And Riddles for Kids

Clean jokes for kids

Why was there thunder and lightning in the lab?

The scientists were brainstorming!

What washes up on very small beaches?

Microwaves!

What goes through towns, up & over hills, but doesn’t move?

The road!

What did Winnie The Pooh say to his agent?

Show me the honey!

What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet?

SUPPLIES!

What did the little mountain say to the big mountain?

Hi Cliff!

Why couldn’t the pirate play cards?

Because he was sitting on the deck!

What do you call a funny mountain?

Hill-arious.

What did the candle say to the other candle?

I’m going out tonight.

What did one elevator say to the other elevator?

I think I’m coming down with something!

What has four wheels and flies?

A garbage truck!

Why did the traffic light turn red?

You would too if you had to change in the middle of the street!

Why can’t your nose be 12 inches long?

Because then it would be a foot!

What do you say when you lose a wii game?

I want a wii-match!

What never asks questions but receives a lot of answers?

The Telephone.

What did the blanket say to the bed?

Don’t worry, I’ve got you covered!

What did the triangle say to the circle?

Your pointless!

What starts with a P, ends with an E, and has a million letters in it?

Post Office!

What kind of button won’t unbutton?

A bellybutton!

Why should you take a pencil to bed?

To draw the curtains!

How many books can you put in an empty backpack?

One! After that it’s not empty!

What dog keeps the best time?

A watch dog.

What did the grape do when it got stepped on?

It let out a little wine!

Why do sea-gulls fly over the sea?

Because if they flew over the bay they would be bagels!

Why do girls scouts sell cookies?

They wanna make a sweet first impression.

Veterinary Clinic Joke Funny

Veterinary Clinic Joke Funny

Silly kid jokes

A man brought a very limp dog into the veterinary clinic. 

As he lay the dog on the table, the doctor pulled out his stethoscope, placing the receptor on the dog's chest. 

After a moment or two, the vet shook his head sadly and said, 

"I'm sorry, but your dog has passed away." 

"What?" screamed the man. "How can you tell?  You haven't done any testing on him or anything. I want another opinion!" 

With that, the vet turned and left the room. In a few moments, he returned with a Labrador Retriever. 

The Retriever went right to work, checking the poor dead dog out thoroughly. 

After a considerable amount of sniffing, the Retriever sadly shook his head and said "Bark". 

The veterinarian then took the Labrador out and returned in a few moments with a cat, who also checked out the poor dog on the table. 

As had his predecessors, the cat sadly shook his head and said, "Meow."  He then jumped off the table and ran out of the room. 

The veterinarian handed the man a bill for $600.  

The dog's owner went beserk. "$600! Just to tell me my dog is dead? This is outrageous!" 

The vet shook his head sadly and explained. 

"If you had taken my word for it, it would have been $50, but with the Lab work and the cat scan..."